5 Steps To Recover From Loss
We face several losses throughout our lives. Recovering from a loss is a lesson we must all go through sooner or later. It becomes problematic when we refuse to accept this. Losses are necessary and relevant to our personal growth.
When we suffer great losses, we put all our energy into what we lose. We do not see the other side and we do not recognize the fact that what is now lost was a meaningful gift to our lives and that it had a special value.
When we experience a significant loss, such as the death of a loved one, the walking away of our love, the end of a friendship, or something similar, it leaves us in a state of helplessness, a great vacuum. We can feel sadness, anger, fear, and emotional fluctuations up and down. Everyone experiences grief in their own personal way.
Recovering from a loss is a complex process, as returning to the whole requires going through many uphills and downhills. It might feel like you’re on a roller coaster.
When we are open to acceptance, we suddenly find ourselves in a state of stupor, anxiety, and despair. We take a step forward and then back again. In this way, we heal, feeling the whole process without shutting ourselves down.
1. Respecting the loss recovery process
Every person experiences loss differently, in their own rhythm and in their own way. Denial is part of the process and it serves a purpose – it protects us from what we are not prepared to face.
Many believe they are cold and do not understand why they are not aware of their feelings when they face great losses. These emotions are stored because they involve a lot of pain, and they only allow themselves to become known when we are prepared to deal with and face them. Sometimes it can take years.
This is common in children and adolescents who are unable to feel these strong emotions until they become adults and are prepared to face them. Then everything rises to the surface.
2. Pain is always personal
No one else can tell us how to recover from the loss we are experiencing. No matter how we try to find answers from others, only in ourselves can we find a way to recovery. It is a process that must go through.
This process requires its own time. It is never too slow or too fast as long as we move forward in our lives. We can heal our wounds as long as we don’t get stuck.
3. We cannot protect ourselves from further losses
When we try to protect ourselves from new losses, we provoke them in a subconscious way. By suffering losses and going through difficult processes, we may want to protect ourselves from them. We protect ourselves by building a shield for ourselves to prevent the suffering we have experienced in the past. However, this does not work, because moving away from what we do not want to lose is a loss in itself.
4. The way out of pain is the way through the pain
This is a necessary way to heal from a loss. We cannot escape the pain and feelings that loss in us causes. When we are prepared to face a loss, we feel the pain associated with it, and by avoiding those feelings, we only keep ourselves in place in suffering. Losing means pain, but it makes us authentic and upright people, and it teaches us to appreciate things that really matter.
5. The love we have given or felt will never disappear
What really matters does not disappear. We carry with us what we have experienced and felt. It has changed us and made us the people we are now. Therefore, there is no point in trying to avoid any experience for fear of losing. For the only thing we carry with us is what we have felt.
