Emotional Self-harm
When we talk about self-harm, it is common to think almost immediately of physical injuries. In fact, this type of intentional self-harm is an increasingly common way to soothe (dramatically) your own anger, suffering, or frustration. But as striking as it may seem to us, there is a pattern that is repeated even more often, but which is hardly talked about; it is emotional self-harm.
Injuries are not done solely on the physical dimension, in the skin and sensory area. We know very well that just as punches hurt, so do words. That is why it is almost easier for us to recognize the pain coming from outside that others cause us in such an infinite and distorted way, for example through contempt, abuse, emptiness, shouting, and betrayal and lying.
What about the form of pain we inflict on ourselves? Is it possible and can we really do ourselves harm on an emotional level? The answer is a simple and clear “yes”. In fact, emotional self-harm is a very common practice because we all practice it regularly and are not even aware of it. They are wounds that also leave serious consequences.
They are bruises on our self-esteem, attacks directly on human dignity that eventually begin to rot in the form of suffering or anxiety. Gradually, the wound becomes inflamed and brings with it depression. Let’s take a closer look at this topic next.
What is emotional self-harm?
Emotional self-harm can be defined as thoughts and behaviors that work against us and are also clearly harmful practices for our emotional well-being. Indeed, it is something that forces us to consider the concept of wounds ourselves.
Therefore, and while it is true that we are concerned about physical behavior such as slicing ourselves or otherwise harming ourselves, we also have another dimension before us that is more often overlooked. Emotional self-harm is a substrate for mood disorders, especially if this internal self-harm is constantly practiced.
How do we do it? What types of dynamics can bring about a form of self-inflicted suffering? Let’s see more below.
Bring an inner and so ruthless self-critic
Each of us has a voice, a whipping character, and other torturing instruments that gladly consider us martyrs. They do it in the form of a boycott and reassure us that we are not worthy of certain things. They fill us with uncertainty and remind us of yesterday’s mistakes while placing a heavy burden on our potential.
We should not make that mistake because that torturer has our face and voice: we are the torturers ourselves. It is we who give it strength through negative internal dialogue, irrational ideas, futile fears, and low self-esteem-induced conversation. In other words, that inner self-critic is responsible for most of our emotional injuries.
Emotional self-harm in the form of patterns
When we talk about behavior that follows the same pattern, we mean behavior that repeats over time and follows the same line. How can we respond to this emotional self-harm? Well in a way that is familiar to all of us. Some people always find the same type of affective partner: someone narcissistic and abusive with whom we establish an emotionally dependent human relationship.
It’s like falling on the same rock over and over again without learning to recognize and dodge it. These types of situations cause double suffering and repeated frustration. And not only do we feel the pain of that harmful relationship, but we end up blaming ourselves for falling in love with similar people over and over again.
When you don’t set boundaries for yourself, you become a doormat on which everyone wipes their feet
There are people who have a huge heart, infinite goodness, and have no boundaries or means to protect themselves. And this, let’s be clear, is dangerous. Noble, always available person, always willing to help others, always do anything for others; these are the virtues we all admire. But if we don’t set ourselves a firewall and can’t say “no” when we should refuse, it can lead to numerous emotional harms.
For this reason, many unscrupulous people also take advantage of the goodness of others and do not hesitate to use others as door mats that they can house and where they can wipe their feet at any time and how to entertain them. For this reason, we should strive to avoid this emotional abuse, as the effects of these situations are very detrimental to our own self-esteem.
Living life without passion and without motivation
Life is not just about work or routine or pleasing others, even if we love them so much. Real life needs passion, to carry out projects, illusions, opportunities to do what we love, and dedicating time to ourselves through experiences that inspire us and make us grow as individuals.
If we don’t have any of these ingredients, we slowly go out. Living from day to day without emotions and illusions causes small internal injuries that no one sees, but at the same time hope, dreams and also a piece of ourselves escapes through these wounds.
Finally, while it is true that most of us pull in more than one emotional wound, it is always a good time to let those wounds heal.
Ways like devoting time to ourselves, strengthening our self-esteem, and taking care of ourselves with great affection will correct the pain and transform us into bolder, stronger, and more willing people so that we can work for our own happiness.
