General Cognitive Distortions In Relation To

Cognitive distortions are inelastic or illogical thought patterns that the mind uses to process information. They choose the information and the way it is processed. They then generate the results of the process in the form of thoughts and feelings.

There are different types of cognitive distortions, and all of us experience them at some point in our lives. If you have them every now and then, that’s not a problem. However, if they occur repeatedly, they can cause mental harm and interpersonal problems. Cognitive distortions are also a barrier to personal growth.

Cognitive distortions often affect relationships. If they begin to control thoughts of living together, love, or quarrels, the relationship may suffer a crisis. For this reason, it is important to identify cognitive distortions in relation to. Identifying the distortions that guide thought patterns about a relationship is the key to happier feeling.

Invalid generalization – time is enough

False generalization is when one or two separate events are sufficient for a person to make a statement or a general rule about something. Here’s an example of erroneous generalization: If my partner forgets to buy something I asked him to buy, the next time I don’t ask him for anything, because “he always forgets what I ask”.

The problem with erroneous generalization is that a person becomes a judge who distributes constant threat claims. This also compartmentalizes another person. If one mistake means that the person will always pay, why try to behave differently?

There is one useful strategy to stop erroneous generalization. Try to look for facts that conflict with the general rule you developed. For example, if you believe that your partner always forgets everything you ask for, try to look for examples of situations where he or she remembered everything you asked for. It’s about training your own ability to question. It allows you to process information more objectively, and thus you can come to realistic and fair conclusions.

Extreme thinking – magnifying things

This distortion is related to looking at experiences through a filter that exaggerates certain traits. When you first fall in love with someone, you often become an extremist. You exaggerate the consequences of the first encounter. Sometimes some small detail feels like a fantastic or small mistake disaster.

Extreme thinking is seen a lot in couples who are not used to arguing. It occurs, for example, when a couple quarrels for the first time. The parties disagree on something, and the dispute becomes a big deal. They feel like they will never get over it. A small thing can seem like an obstacle in terms of growth.

Some examples of such a distortion would be, for example, “ I can’t stand arguing with him” or “it’s actually a trivial lie, but it’s awful that he lied to me.” One way to deal with extremist thinking is by enriching the vocabulary of emotions. We should find a balanced way to express ourselves.

Personalization – when the world seems to revolve around ourselves

In this distortion, someone feels responsible for another person’s mood or behavior. Some examples of this are, “He’s in a bad mood because I didn’t send him a text message before” or “I’ve been out all day with my friends, and now that I’m home, he doesn’t notice me.”

Personalization makes you feel as if you are very much responsible for the well-being of another. You feel you can control your partner’s feelings.

Here is one practical exercise to overcome this cognitive distortion. Draw a circle and share responsibility for what happened between all possible causes. It is important to stop blaming yourself alone for everything.

Negative stamping – a rating for everything

Negative stigma is the definition of a partner in a generally negative way, the identification of negative traits in each area of ​​his or her life. Some examples of this are, “He’s selfish because he watches football when I talk to him,” “he’s thoughtless because he always only talks about himself,” or “he’s stupid because he doesn’t understand what I’m explaining to him”.

This cognitive distortion can cause a huge problem in a relationship. According to psychologist John Gottman, it can turn into one of the reasons for getting rid of it – contempt. If we always evaluate our partner negatively, we develop a negative image of him in our minds. This increases mental distress and anger.

Rationalizing Emotions – I feel this way because something is wrong

Rationalizing emotions is looking for an external cause for emotions. If we don’t feel good, things are wrong and someone or someone is responsible.

In a relationship, a partner may drown under their emotions and make decisions based on them alone. One example of this is, “I’m sad and I feel rejected because he hasn’t sent me a message all day”.

Making decisions based on emotions alone is not a good idea. Emotions are always changing and momentary, so they are not a good base for decision making. Love relationships require continuity and long-term commitment, and these cannot be based on momentary impulses according to emotions.

We must be able to distinguish between our feelings and the external situation, and we must be able to analyze the situation objectively. Strive to be an impartial observer. Think about what kind of advice you would give a friend in the same situation. This psychic distance is a good exercise to stop rationalizing emotions.

Reading thoughts – a dangerous supernatural ability

Reading your thoughts will make you react aggressively to what you think your partner is thinking. This particular cognitive distortion makes you act on your assumptions, not the information you actually have.

Here is one example of reading my thoughts: “He told me it doesn’t bother him to stay home, but I know he’s angry”. Another example: “My partner congratulated me on my promotion, but I know he doesn’t think I deserves it”.

Keep in mind that you are often not sure what you are even thinking or feeling, so it is impossible to know what someone else is thinking. Even if you knew someone well, it’s still extremely difficult to know exactly what he’s thinking.

The phrase that can help deal with this distortion is “ask before you guess”. Question yourself. Think about what you know about your partner and whatever you think.

Understanding the workings of the mind is the first step in overcoming its limitations. Work every day to overcome these cognitive distortions that arise in your relationship. If you do, you are the master of your own thoughts. You are free from prejudice and ready to enjoy the relationship to the fullest.