How To Respond To Criticism And Get Something Out Of It

When someone criticizes us, we usually see it as a personal attack on us. It feels like an offensive remark that can sometimes even be humiliating, painful, and unpleasant. That is why it is often difficult to respond to criticism. It is also the reason why our first reaction is often to defend ourselves.

But the fact that we let someone’s criticism influence us so much is not a good thing, especially if the criticism is unfounded. Instead of being on the defensive, we would be better off responding to criticism with confidence. That way we can get something out of it and avoid harming us.

First, it is really important to ask ourselves a few questions regarding criticism from others. Criticism can be painful, but not everyone is trying to hurt you. Let’s ask, for example, what is their goal when they criticize us? Why do they do that? What are their reasons?

If someone criticizes us, and we don’t stop to think why that person is so angry or what really made him react that way, we’ll probably just end up defending ourselves. But if we don’t let our impulses catch us and we can calm down instead, things will go much smoother. When our state of mind is calm, we can see such situations from a different perspective. Maybe the person who gave the criticism is not so wrong…

We can also decide that the person who gave the criticism is wrong, but we do not express this idea to them. After all, we accept what he says about us. This makes it easier for him to manipulate us. In addition to this, our self-esteem weakens because we do not respect ourselves.

Encountering criticism

A person who doesn’t know how to receive criticism often reacts by making excuses (” yeah yeah, but… ”). He tries to avoid criticism by any means. There are also people who seemingly accept criticism but are still deeply convinced that there is nothing wrong with them.

These attitudes toward criticism are harmful because they see criticism as some kind of attack. This means that the person is likely to end up being down and not learn anything from the criticism.

How to receive criticism

If we respond to criticism calmly, it means that we learn to control our negative emotions. When we are in a calm state of mind, we can pay more attention to what is being said to us and get something out of it as well. This is the only way to understand their purpose of criticizing and determining whether they meant evil or not.

In other words, the criticism is constructive. We can learn from it and use it to develop ourselves. And besides, if it was positive criticism and the person who gave it didn’t know how to express it, we can tell him the right way to give criticism. This helps us keep our relationship in order.

But a person can also give criticism by trying to manipulate us. However, the best possible reaction for this is not anger or rage. We need to be able to express our thoughts and feelings with confidence and calm. In fact, if we don’t react angrily, we won’t give them signs of our weaknesses.

If the person who gave the criticism is right and we are wrong, it is best for us to correct our mistake. But if that is not the case, we must stand behind our opinions. If a person continues to criticize, let’s stay out of the situation.

When we are calm in the face of criticism, we can get out of this uncomfortable situation head on. Answering with confidence helps us feel defended, and it also defends our self-esteem.

How to respond to criticism successfully

Hearing criticism is not pleasant. This is especially true when we believe this criticism to be true. Next, we are going to show you how to respond successfully to criticism and how to get the most out of it.

The first step in accepting criticism is to analyze it and change our inner monologue (i.e., what we say and think within). For example, we can tell ourselves something like this, ” I don’t have to prove anything, because no one is against me. I listen carefully because his message can be helpful. I try to understand what he wants. Just because he criticizes me doesn’t mean I have failed completely. ”

Next, we need to evaluate their criticism. This will help us deduce if we should change our behavior, or whether it is better to constructively combat what we were told. To do this, we need to consider these things:

• Let’s ask ourselves who exactly is giving the criticism. Is he entitled to criticize me? Does he know me well enough? Does he know what he’s talking about?

• What is the purpose of this critic? Does he want to hurt me? Is he trying to agree with me on something? Or does he want to tell me that something I’m doing is bothering him that I could change?
• Do we get this same criticism often? Is this the first time or have I been told this before?
• How much energy should we use to change ourselves based on this criticism? Maybe it’s not worth it ..
• Let’s think about the emotional atmosphere. The person who gave the criticism may be angry, so maybe we shouldn’t take the criticism so seriously. Considering the feelings of the critical person can help us see the situation in a new light. We all say things we don’t mean when we’re angry. Sometimes it’s better not to take it so seriously.

The keys to a successful reaction to criticism are active listening and mastering the internal monologue. In this way, we can later respond to the criticism calmly.

What if the criticism we hear is true?

If the criticism is good and truthful, there are a few things we can do:

• Controlling our emotions. It would be best if we are not angry. We need to control our emotions.
• We must not be critical of criticism. If the criticism is true, we have no reason to defend ourselves against it. If we take a defensive stance, we are just wasting our time and energy.
• Active listening. The right way to react is to listen actively. So we need to pay attention to what the person criticizing us is communicating to understand what he is telling us. This will help us respond to his criticism appropriately.

• Asking for more information and finding things that can help us. This means looking for alternatives, not getting angry.
• Summarizing his words so we can understand it properly. Let’s summarize his criticism, and make sure we understand everything.
• Creating a strategy for change. Let’s plan things and act in a way that helps us change.

As we can see, there are two basic ways to respond to criticism. If the criticism is not true, we must put ourselves in the shoes of this person who gives us the criticism. It is important to try to understand why he criticizes us. If the criticism is justified, then it is best to be confident. In this way, we can develop what he criticizes about us.

Literature

Goleman, D.  Emotional intelligence in working life . 1998.