People Who Talk, Talk, And Talk … About Themselves
At first, they seem to be the friendliest people in the world. They are usually social, good conversationalists and have an attractive personality. Over time, however, you will find that these people begin to feel a burden: they talk too much and almost invariably about themselves. They tell the same stories over and over again. They are people who feel able to talk about a topic as if they didn’t know anything about it. And no one makes them shut up.
After talking to such a person, you feel like you have wasted your time. For, after all, it was not a debate. Instead, it was more of a long monologue sparring match. Therefore, it may be that when you meet this person again, you develop some kind of excuse to avoid another “talk session”.
Self-centeredness
Someone who talks too much about themselves has not formed a clear line between themselves and their environment. Their narcissistic personality prevents them from realizing that they are not the center of the world. Therefore, they imagine that it is perfectly normal for every conversation to focus on them.
In reality, it doesn’t even occur to them that their jokes might saturate others. And even if they were told directly, they assume the other party has a problem, not them.
This excessive need for attention is based on subconscious uncertainty. They find it rewarding when they get someone to listen to them constantly. This proves to them their own worth. Such a person will never succeed in understanding the frequency of other people, their needs. Instead, everything revolves around their own needs.
People who speak incessantly obviously have a great need to be heard, even if they say nothing. Talking to other people takes their attention away from their internal dialogue. We all have an internal dialogue, but these people don’t want to hear their own. They just want to be heard. They look at themselves through others.
Content of the “Conversation”
Some people always talk about themselves to make an inventory of their suffering. They won’t ask you for help, and they won’t worry about your instructions. They assume you should simply act with them in mind. Others do the opposite: they tell you a series of stories to show how awesome they are. They tell you about their thousands of deeds, always waiting for some kind of “cheer” cry from you.
Some people talk about their problems to you for advice or guidance. As if you were their personal, and of course, free, therapist. People like that will never ask you how you are doing or if you happen to have difficulties in your life. They simply assume that their problems are more serious than yours and that it is your duty to listen to them and give them advice.
In none of these cases does a genuine discussion ever take place. Rather, it is about manipulation through words. You get involved in some kind of weird game with them that you might sometimes even feel obligated to participate in. Forced to listen to them, praise them, or feel sorry for them. But the bond with these people is not genuine. It is always overshadowed by the feeling that “something is wrong”.
It is good for you at some point to point out directly and kindly how positive a conversation can be if, in addition to listening, there is also an opportunity to speak. It is also good to suggest a discussion on new topics for them.
While it is not impossible to interact with such people, as they may often return to the kind person they were in the beginning, learning to set boundaries is essential. If you feel that this relationship affects you, makes you feel uncomfortable, or if it triggers a feeling of guilt or emptiness, it’s best to walk away.
