Personal Disasters: The Best Guides For Our Lessons

Sometimes I feel like I’m falling over, collapsing. And then I think… I’m stronger than all this, I’ve been through worse things in the past. My friends are currently going through even worse personal cases and still remain optimistic…

But reality says otherwise. We are emotionally driven projects. So sometimes I assume I feel bad and it doesn’t have to be rational. Then I cry, I cry a lot, to see if tears, ice cream or hugs can heal my wounds. And in fact, sometimes they can heal that way.

But  sometimes… there is nothing to soothe the restlessness I feel within me. And I assure my loved ones that it is not their fault. And there is nothing they could do. They can just simply be with me oskus sometimes it even helps more than the actual doing.

I feel frustrated and  angry. Psychologists are a kind of topographers; they map out the roads so people can achieve their happiness. That doesn’t necessarily mean we’re clear on our own paths. As the saying goes, “the shoes of a shoemaker don’t have shoes” .

Have you ever thought about it?

What are meta-emotions?

A meta-feeling is a feeling that occurs when you recognize or accept another feeling, for example, when you feel guilty about getting angry with a friend. Do you really have a reason to feel this way? If your answer is no, congratulations, you don’t have to read this ahead unless you want to. But most of us think differently. Because otherwise we wouldn’t feel that way. If this is your way and you would like to know what to do about it,  we will show in this article how to identify and manage these types of emotions.

The truth is that it is normal when one emotion gives rise to other emotions. The real problem is the inability to identify and channel these meta-emotions as they begin to interfere with our lives and normal behavior. This occurs in many mothers and fathers who feel guilty when they feel joy.

What am I talking about? Families who have faced tragedy have been forced to survive rather than actually live. Thus, leisure is truly and utterly invaluable, even more so if there are children. What does this cause? When key family members have time to disconnect (go to matches with friends, have coffee with co-workers…) or a need (like a new coat or going to a beauty salon), they ignore it because  “there are other priorities”. And yet,  if they take part in it, they often end up feeling guilty about having fun or pampering themselves. The same thing happens when one of the family members is sore.

Natural disaster

The mere teaching that the experience was not positive is in itself positive. I call it a “natural disaster”. It encompasses all those very negative and difficult, yet necessary, life events that will somehow change you. They will change you, incredibly, for the better. It is true that sometimes it seems like life will test you. Usually you ask yourself the typical question  “what have I done to earn this?”.

The worst part is that there is often no answer to that question. You haven’t done anything to earn it and yet one of your family members gets sick. Or you get fired from work or have a serious car accident. And no, you’re never the same again, and you also don’t know how to move forward with your new self. As yourself, not as people around you, as people who noticed that you have changed and something is wrong. The pain persists, but it now persists in something that is part of you. You have accepted it and you know it is not going away. But at the same time, you see the bright side of it and feel good about it.

They are natural disasters because you cannot prevent them. They destroyed everything you knew. And now they are in the past, but there is still a very noticeable trace of the damage they cause. We all have our own natural disasters. And I want to say that no one is safe from them, but you are the one who decides what to do when one hits.

In 2011, out of 365 days of the year, just 6 minutes of all those days caused a rupture in the lives of many people around the world. The tsunami in Japan left 15,893 dead, 172 injured and 8,405 missing. Two very different reactions emerged in the people who lived this experience. Another where those people are now afraid and will be afraid of the ocean for the rest of their lives. And another where those people incorporate this event into their life-essential experiences.

Completing rounds to move forward

Stop, breathe and think… life is full of circuits that we should complete and close. No one’s life is perfect. Everything is a struggle, everything just happens. In fact, we need these difficult times to really realize how important it is to enjoy the crests when we find ourselves at the top of them.

So how do you complement these rounds? The answer to this question takes me back to a book I read some time ago that was not at all like typical self-help guides. The book was full of advice on how to say goodbye to people who were aware of the incurable disease they had. It can actually be summed up in four phrases:  I am sorry, I forgive you, I love you and thank you.

Release your feelings

Now, you might be asking yourself what to do with this information if you are not going through the final stages of your illness. You can say these four expressions to a person or situation that won’t let you move on. In other words,  recognize your own and others ’mistakes, but also recognize the good you both did.  Accept the appreciation you feel for that person and smile at this point in your life. Thank you for the experience you have gained.

Forgiveness does not release you from the obligation of the consequences of your actions, but at the same time it allows you to let go of the things you are anchored in. It offers you the opportunity to see yourself and others as much more complex and richer independent entities. It no longer affects you, you can move on. The book is about a woman who forgave her father who exploited her on his deathbed.

We are all human. We make mistakes. Forgiving life and yourself for those moments and decisions you are not proud of, and incorporating them into your past without feeling uncomfortable, is one of the most beautiful challenges that exists. These people are the ones who let natural disasters shape their lives and character stronger. And they will come back. They return and look out to sea, saying  “I’m still here”.

None of us can choose our natural disaster, but  we can choose whether to run away or become stronger from them. Mine started a while ago and I wouldn’t change anything that has happened since and led me to where I am now.