Tell Me How You Exercise Your Authority, And I’ll Tell You What Your Children Will Be Like

How to raise a child: This has become a difficult problem because it seems that more and more people want to be involved in upbringing. On the other hand, although there has never been a manual that tells you how to be a good parent,  there are still general criteria for raising children. One of them is the authority that parents should exercise. Although this concept has changed a lot over time, it has not disappeared.

In the past, parents exercised their authority in a certain way, and normally the child obeyed. They knew they should simply do so and make it clear. It was about authorization that the child respected for fear of consequences. To get the child to listen, parents used strategies that ranged from threatening to physical spanking. Punishment was at the heart of such parenting. 

Today, it seems that the opposite is true. Complaints about the apparent lack of parental authority are growing. Children no longer recognize parental authority and parents are afraid to exercise it. We have even come to a point where parents are being mistreated and children are arbitrary.

Authority in parenting

Rules are important in maintaining authority and setting boundaries for arbitrariness. Borders give people stability. Parents and adults are responsible for the child and should make them obey the rules. Many do not do so because of negligence. Setting boundaries requires a lot of effort.

Children tend to be capricious. That’s why it’s important to make them understand that they can’t do or get everything they want. You have to make an effort to earn things, and often, despite the hard work, you still don’t get what you want. If a child is small,  he or she should be taught to obey because he or she is a child and an adult. Therefore, the child should obey what is said, without the necessary explanations.

It is possible to chat with older children. Analyze the reasons for the rules, but also let them understand that they are not negotiable. The family should march in the rhythm set by the parents because they are the ones who dictate. Because they are adults. Because if a child wants to do something differently, he or she must first become an adult and be able to take care of himself or herself.

In fact, establishing and maintaining authority can create a number of contradictions. Children are people who have not yet developed their judgment. That is why borders frustrate them and can lead to known tantrums. Some parents give in to those outbursts of anger, tired of the other battles of their lives. That’s exactly what shouldn’t be done, because regaining once lost authority is much harder than keeping it originally.

Excessive tolerance and its serious consequences

The lack of a consistent figure of authority can leave negative marks on any person’s life. First, it can lead to anxiety and uncertainty. When parents do not set boundaries or respect them, the child may feel like they are walking on unstable land. He has no fixed point to cling to, even if it was just him to criticize it.

While some parents do it on purpose very well, there is no doubt that excessive tolerance is the wrong way to go. Children are offered pleasures so they don’t have to endure parental adversity. They are not given responsibilities. They get to do what they want based on the wrong concept of freedom. In such a lack of authority, growing children become stubborn, unattainable, and full of prejudice.

Worst of all, as adults, they will lack the tools needed to face a reality full of limitations and impossibilities. They will certainly not have the necessary strength for the big problems of life. They will feel frustrated often because things don’t go the way they would like and they don’t know how to manage that frustration.

Affection and intimacy are nourishment for authority

Exercising authority without affection and intimacy is subjugation rather than teaching. A father or mother who comes into her child’s life just to give orders or demand something unleashes confused feelings. In such a case, it is only the exercise of power to make the children obey and not the authority for educational purposes.

It is very important that parents spend time with their children. They talk, play, get to know the children and let the children get to know them. In short, form strong bonds. When a child feels that their parents are loving, they also become more willing to accept their authority. They understand that it is not practiced arbitrarily but rather is an exercise for their lives.

Children who grow up without parents or authority act accordingly. They always think they are right. It is possible that they will try to take advantage of others to achieve what they want. They do not take responsibility or face problems. They have no confidence and they think money can buy everything. In the worst cases, they also flirt with illegality or let it become a full part of their lives.