The Importance Of Self-love When Choosing A Partner

We’ve all heard of something that we can’t love anyone else if we don’t first know the importance of loving ourselves. But loving yourself is not easy. To achieve that, we must work to get to know ourselves well. It requires understanding our life history, learning from it, and accepting it, which is difficult. It is important to remember that the amount of our self-awareness and self-esteem is important when choosing a partner.

No matter how well we know the benefits of loving ourselves and others, we will not learn to understand the importance of self-love if we do not work for it. Nor will we achieve it if we are exposed to examples and patterns that make us recognize new ways to achieve a spiritual connection. Neurologist, psychiatrist and author Boris Cyrulnik says that to achieve that we need to try to observe different people and emotional states throughout our lives.

Thus, different styles of love help us see that love, indifference, and anger are not combined with any particular behavior. Knowing it opens our minds and enriches our personalities.

Couple types

We learn to connect with others from a young age. We reunite with our parents and other family members. They are the first example of a spiritual connection. We observe and learn how they treat us and how we can connect with each other.

Gradually, we begin to expand our social circles. As we get older, we get to know more people. Then we experience a relationship and a first romantic connection.

Boris Cyrulnik confirms that our childhood determines the type of spiritual connection we create with our romantic partners. He thinks there are different types of couples. We can classify them into three groups: couples where both parties support each other, couples where one hurts the other, and couples where both parties hurt each other.

A couple where both parties support each other lasts longer and offers a better quality of life when the couple is together or separately. In addition, this mutual support contributes in a positive way to the health of both and improves mental balance as well as a sense of humor.

Other types of couples where one or both parties hurt each other need to change. Changes in negative attitudes or the search for a new purpose can lay the foundation for a healthier relationship. If that’s not possible, it may be time to ask if the difference would be a better option.

Sometimes we need to feel secure in order to get out of a relationship. So we are looking for other people who could provide support. This can lead to finding a new partner before it’s time for it. So you can’t learn more from experience. This can lead to making the same mistakes in new relationships.

We are both better halves of ourselves

Choosing a partner is something unconsciously done that is based on everything we have learned through our own lives. It also fits our personal situation. If we do not make the effort to heal and learn more about ourselves, we will not be able to choose a partner who will help us live in a relationship with mutual support.

A romantic partner cannot take care of all our needs. Keeping this idea and hoping it will happen is just a fantasy and leads to constant frustration. Nevertheless, as human beings, we need to have relationships, different relationships that enrich our lives.

One of the most dangerous beliefs has to do with the idea that we don’t consider ourselves whole people. This concept has brought us the wrong idea of ​​love. We consider love as a feeling of surviving everything.  We stop thinking realistically, and we don’t see the limitations of every healthy love. So we may choose a partner who can become part of a relationship supported by addiction and fear.

The difference between suffering and love

Our beliefs and behaviors are not only determined by the immediate observation of our environment. We are also vulnerable to many social stereotypes: rigid models to which we believe the world will adapt.

The media has a huge impact on our behavior through the stereotypes it reinforces. Television, movies, music and literature give us a lot of information. But we need to pay attention to whether that information is correct, fair and sufficient. Both the myth of the charming prince and the people in the movies and books offer us the same idea: love and suffering go hand in hand.

Apparently, the more the couple argues, the more love there is between them. The more they oppose each other, the more they love each other. This is why we hear from childhood that “two people arguing or hitting each other want each other” or “a person who loves you makes you cry”. Then we dream of impossible or secret loves, ones that grow passion instead of heat. It can lead us to choose a partner based on romantic fantasies rather than reality and need.

All of these thoughts also make us stay ready for roles in a romantic relationship. And in human relationships in general. It is a learned role that can oppress our true identity, our right thoughts, our feelings, and our desires. Getting rid of preconceptions, understanding the importance of self-love, and rebuilding this programmed role is not easy. But it is possible.

Being happy with yourself

A couple of relationships false social ideas can lead us to make a bad choice with respect to your partner. And suffer from mental addiction. We forget our right to be people with our own identity and independence.

To strengthen our “mental immune system,” we need to learn to know ourselves and love ourselves, to choose a partner wisely that increases our happiness. Before we try to find happiness with our partner, it is better if we have already found it with ourselves.

Choosing a romantic partner with maturity

The couple must value each other. They must be free to choose to be together. We should not be in a relationship because we want to fill a vacuum. We should build a relationship because even though we can be alone, we are more likely to be with our partner.

The choice of a romantic relationship is made with the heart. But keeping one’s own needs and desires in mind makes the joint support of a relationship possible. Remember that achieving this dynamic depends on both parties in the couple.

The key to a good relationship belongs to both parties. It is important to take care of ourselves, to know ourselves, and to love ourselves so that we can love others better.