The Psychology Of Forgiveness: Breaking Away From Resentment And Moving Forward

The psychology of forgiveness is also a form of detachment. It refers to the courageous act by which people leave resentment and anger behind, and by which we can see that we can accept what has happened and allow our path to continue. It is also a reorganization of the “I,” like a psychological path by which we repair damage and negative emotions in order to find our inner peace gradually and day by day.

Every time we search the literature on the psychology of forgiveness, we find mostly works and documents related to personal growth, the study of morality, and even the world of religions or spirituality. But are there scientific studies on what forgiveness is, how it is done, and what it means to take this big step for our physical and emotional balance?

In fact, scientific research can also be found in the psychology of forgiveness. The American Psychological Association has done a number of work and research on what is forgiving and what it is not, and how our society and this world, which has historically been so full of conflict, have not always been able to move forward in this sense: a dimension that in turn, is the key to our mental well-being.

This is something to keep in mind, as many of us can carry resentment for one reason or another; there may be something in our minds, a person, an act, or an event that impairs our present happiness and our ability to build a much more satisfying present. We all somehow carry within us a greater or lesser resentment towards something or someone, and now, at the latest, is the time to begin to heal these wounds of the past.

Forgiveness to avoid personal “wear and tear”

The best way to dive into this area of ​​psychology is to distinguish between what forgiveness is and what it is not. Forgiveness, first of all, does not mean that we should convince ourselves that what happened was right, when in fact it was not. Forgiveness also does not mean “accepting” the matter or reconciling the matter with the person who has hurt us; even less should it force us to feel intimacy or pity for this person.

The psychology of forgiveness actually gives us the right strategies to help us complete the following steps:

• We have to accept that things happened the way they did. Nothing that happened in our past at a particular time can be changed. Therefore, we must stop chewing on it, wasting our energy, mood, and health by imagining how things could have been if we had acted differently or if we had acted differently.

The psychology of forgiveness, in turn, tells us that we have no obligation to understand or accept the values ​​or thoughts of the people who have harmed us. Forgiveness is not about offering grace or looking for reasons for what we are suffering from. We must never give up our dignity.

• Rather, it is about easing resentment and shrinking the intensity of anger, the intensity of despair, and its feeling step by step, which prevents us from breathing… To this end, we must stop hating those who have hurt us.

On the other hand, we have in our hands another important aspect that we usually forget. Forgiveness is the cornerstone of a relationship, whether it’s a relationship, a friendship, or any other relationship. We should always keep in mind that the people around us do not necessarily observe and analyze the world with the same eyes as we do; in fact, different perspectives, opinions, and attitudes fit into this world at least as much as there are days in a year.

Sometimes we adopt certain things as insults or signs of contempt, when in reality there is a simple disagreement or misunderstanding behind these words or deeds. Therefore, and so that we do not see deception where it does not exist, we must be able to expand our sense of understanding and our capacity for forgiveness.

The psychology of forgiveness is the key to health and well-being

Dr. Bob Enright of the University of Winsconsin is one of the best-known experts in the study of the psychology of forgiveness. The cases analyzed over more than three decades of analysis, the research done, and the books written on the subject have produced an end result that may perhaps evoke thoughts in us. Not everyone succeeds, and not everyone can take that step forward to forgive. The reason for this is the belief that forgiveness is a form of weakness.

This is wrong. One of the best ideas that the psychology of forgiveness can offer us is that forgiveness — in addition to allowing us to move more freely in our present — provides us with the opportunity to learn new values ​​and strategies that will enable us to deal with stressful and anxious situations in the future. . Because forgiving and exchanging resentment for freedom is an expression of courage and strength.

As Dr. Enright has pointed out, there are many reasons why the step toward forgiveness is so significant. The best part is that it brings us health and well-being. Behind this claim, we can find many studies that show a close relationship between forgiveness and the reduction of anxiety, depression, and other disorders that completely impair our quality of life.

Strategies

In order to learn to forgive, we should implement one or more of the following strategies:

• Forgiveness is not about forgetting, but about learning to think better by understanding that we are not forced to facilitate reconciliation, but to accept what has happened without feeling “weak” because we have taken this step. Forgiveness is a release from the many burdens we do not deserve to bear in our lives.

• Hate takes energy, soul and hope. To survive and live more dignified, we must learn to forgive.
• Therapeutic books and keeping a diary can help us achieve this goal.
• For our part, we need to understand that time alone will not help. Waiting for days, months and years does not stop us from hating or forgetting what happened. “Don’t leave to tomorrow what you can do today” – this saying also applies to forgiveness.
• Forgiveness is a process. This we also need to understand. We may never be able to completely forgive another person, but we can unleash much of all the resentment we carry within us and “breathe” a little more freely.

Finally, as we can see, the psychology of forgiveness is a very broad field and has a very close relationship to our health and well-being. It is a discipline that, in turn, provides us with great strategies that we can apply in any area of ​​life, in our work, and in our everyday relationships. In other words, forgiveness is one of the best abilities and virtues we can develop as thinking and feeling beings.