There Are No Toxic People, Just Toxic Behavior

The idea of ​​“toxic people” has spread quite widely. People actually use the adjective “toxic” for anyone who has trouble treating others. However, this only exacerbates intolerance. It’s time to make it clear that  “toxic people” don’t really exist.  What exists is toxic behavior.

No person should be downgraded to the general classification of “good” or “evil”. Nor should we give anyone as negative a rating as “toxic”. People, just like life, are changing all the time. We all have time to allow evil or destructive behavior to take power.

We may even get stuck in these times for a long time. However, this does not mean that we are inherently toxic. No one is toxic, and we cannot use that word to describe the nature of other people.

Anyone can behave toxicly. But that doesn’t mean they would act that way all their lives. We can always reorient our behavior and turn it into something constructive. 

But by no means is this something we should avoid like the plague. Toxic behavior means that we (or someone else) have problems. As a result, we are not aware of the harm we cause to ourselves or others.

What does toxic behavior look like?

Toxic behavior hides insecurity and low self-esteem. At the same time, it presents narcissistic traits that compensate for the lack of self-love. In addition, it seems to go hand in hand with distorted beliefs. These beliefs provide a misconception about the justification for such behavior.

Main characteristics of toxic behavior:

• The desire to control. The individual feels a strong need to control the people they love. He wants to know everything about them. This also manifests itself in a lasting interest in participating in everything or influencing the ways in which they operate.
• Use of emotional manipulation. Toxic behavior is usually associated with blackmail. Here, an individual uses blackmail to get another person to do what he or she wants.
• Blaming and discouraging others . Toxic verbal behavior points out human errors and mistakes. A person who behaves in a toxic manner tries to avoid individual responsibility, and instead blames others.

• Jealousy and envy. It’s toxic behavior when we can’t be happy about the success of others. The independence of others and their achievements are seen as a threat.

How should we deal with toxic behavior?

We cannot see toxic behavior under general conditions, applied to anyone who exhibits one or more of the above properties. Toxic behavior always involves different degrees, levels, and contexts.

Sometimes toxic behavior is so deeply ingrained that the only thing we can do is take distance. But that doesn’t mean we should isolate that person completely. It is important to make him realize  that the reason we take distance from him  is his toxic behavior.

There will always be conflicts in our relationships. However, it is possible to find a balance,  but this does not usually happen naturally. In general, we only reach balance after many ups and downs.

Everyone brings their own burden to the human relationship: emptiness, differences, inconsistencies. It doesn’t make sense to try to avoid all of these. The only thing we can do is address and balance them.

Communication is always the best way to find a common tone. When we do not engage in toxic behavior, we have the ability to see it in others. We also have the ability to limit all efforts at control and manipulation. If we allow them, allow them, tolerate them, or silence them, it means that we are following the same destructive logic.

The best way to help a person who engages in toxic behavior is to not allow him to do this. Every human relationship has its own rules, both direct and indirect. We should never tolerate manipulation, contempt, or anything else that degrades or exploits us. Finally, let us remember that we are trying to eradicate toxic behavior, not “toxic people”.