When Family Makes Us Stress
Sometimes our family makes us stressed out. There are times when the roots of our family tree intertwine around us and don’t let us go, messing us up with their toxic behaviors, demands, phobias, and emotional ties that are clearly dominated by narcissism. We need to master this behavior and dynamics to protect our values and develop our relationships.
Some say birth is like falling out of a chimney. We never know what kind of family we’ll be in, we never know what our first socio-affective scenario is – the one that defines much of our psychological structure – and we don’t know what kind of addiction we learn from our parents. We don’t know if that family will give us happiness or whether we will be raised with indifference, or whether we will grow up in an environment where reproach, attacks, and contempt are common.
If being born into a good family is like winning the lottery, then coping with the family from certain frustrations and tensions is also unharmed. It is common for some problems to be permanent, and that as mature adults we run into the values of our parents, conflict with our aunts and uncles, and even compete with our own siblings every now and then.
Living with others is not easy. But these antagonistic processes can flow naturally, as long as we find respect. This allows us to trust our family, which should be for us, whatever the situation. But what if that’s not the case? What should we do if there is no respect in the family and our state of mind is constantly weakened and harmed? How should we act if we are stressed and repressed by our family?
When our families strain and stifle us
We always tell ourselves that we will not make the same mistakes again. We assure ourselves that we will no longer take part in family reunions or parties that always end badly. We try to be strong against emotional blackmail, against the demands that make our self-esteem weaken. But despite this, we fall into these traps time and time again.
So how can we stop this? However, it is our family, and like all the legacy made of blood and genetics, we try to respect our family, even though the price of Stoic devotion is much higher. We deal with emotions we can’t control and we get strained. We lower our heads and bite our tongues to avoid ruining a lifelong relationship in one second.
When our family makes us stressful, many things come to mind. Maybe it’s time to formalize the final departure? Or are we going to continue to repress ourselves in this blood bond for the rest of our lives? We don’t have to fall into these extremes; it is neither healthy nor tolerable. Let’s look at what guidelines we can apply.
How to manage stressful situations in the family?
Conflicts within the family exhaust us due to emotions and conflicting positions. This emotional erosion can be so deep that we end up dealing with and even exaggerating any words or gestures in this repressive family context.
We must first calm down and find inner peace. When we have swallowed so many things in life, we have gathered within us a tremendous amount of frustration and rage. We need to be able to channel all these things. Then, once we’ve ventilated these emotionally tense spaces, it’s time for us to take the next step.
Defining ourselves and our identity
Sometimes a well-defined and strong identity stands out from the family, leaving a person’s emotional well-being at constant risk. We need to cut this umbilical cord and treat ourselves as an independent entity with our own ideologies, values and needs.
When our identity and self-perception are strong, we have no room for doubt, and we ourselves know what is right, what is acceptable, and what is not. In addition, we can see toxic behaviors and narcissistic acts more clearly and we also have less uncertainty about creating borders. We know they are necessary for the development of coexistence.
We don’t always have to agree with our family, which is not a bad thing
Family stress has its roots in a lack of harmony and it appears when there is a force field in the family where some of the members act as opponents and are not the same team. One really common pattern in these scenarios is the constant need for approval. We avoid stepping out of bounds for fear of offending the minds of others.
The authentic family is a unique microcosm in which different elements live in perfect harmony with each other. It is a precious stone where diverse minerals are carded, each with its own colors, fabulous properties and unique characteristics. The beauty of this gemstone lies in its diversity. Everyone is different and exceptional in their own way. We need to understand that a good family respects and helps each other, rather than stifling each other and building barriers in each other’s way.
