Why Are You Still Here After All This Time?
Why haven’t you left after all this time? Why not leave if you can come up with a much better thing to do than being with me? I am a boring person, more melodramatic than funny and when I embarrass myself, I embarrass properly. What wonder moves in your mind as you continue to watch me on happy days when I repeat to you that sadness still exists?
You are a crazy person, one of the few crazy people left. I am sorry to say so, but today I cannot hide the truth. I don’t want to, I don’t feel like it. Today I can’t mislead you, I can’t soften what I feel. Likewise when I didn’t want to when there was no point anywhere. So today I ask you to listen.
There are people we can always come back to. Even if we distance ourselves and are light years away in another galaxy. They are synonymous with warmth and intimacy. They are connections at first glance. Unshakable and unique melodies.
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You’ve been my walking stick when I’ve been blind. It hasn’t bothered you to be with me even though you knew I wouldn’t find any of the many places I went looking for. Despite your warnings, you have never said afterwards that “I warned you.”
I want to tell you something: without you I wouldn’t have gotten this far and I would have been left behind. Without you, I wouldn’t have been looking for that last bullet in my pocket that I now squeeze in my fist.
You have not prescribed me, despite the battles that have also left you with scars. The scars I look at now that make me feel lucky to be able to trust you. Footprints are proof that you have become a part of me. We have created this ritual where everything is shared. Even blood…
You will be left with a realistic idea of the destruction and you will need to combine the score. You’ve taken care of my wounds while telling bad jokes knowing it will flare up at first but that way my wounds wouldn’t become inflamed.
You have also squeaked the cup with me while you looked me in the eye and asked me to fill in the gaps between the words with the next one. You’ve known me for years and you know I’m not going to change my basic essence, even if you can negotiate it.
I’ve shown my worst side, the one I’m not terribly proud of and you’ve refused to believe my words when I said I am like that when things get awkward.
You didn’t believe the evidence and you told me that faith moves mountains, as bold as mine. You wished I could realize that not everything is completely black, dark and gloomy.
You haven’t let me forget the good times and you’ve talked about them with hope just as if they were pulled yarns. The rock I can grab with my hand that you released.
You are also important to me
I will not let you forget these words because they are true. I will remind you point by point so that you understand your effort in bringing results. That while rationally I don’t understand why the heck you’re still here, I’m very grateful that you are.
