Why We Like Bad Boys

We know that they are not good and that they hurt us, but  some kind of masochistic instinct is unleashed every time we see an evil boy,  we think he is completely irresistible.

Risk, passion, danger and excitement. A mix that is really intoxicating.

And when our evil son – which we have, of course, tried to change – disappears, we cry for days complaining about how stupid we were.

Which in bad boys attracts us

We think they are interesting, dangerous and different. We know they disappear during the night without saying a word just to be with someone else. But we still like them.

What is so appealing about bad boys?

They are “forbidden”

We all get great satisfaction from breaking the rules. Being with an evil boy despite parental prohibitions or the disapproval of friends can be a real pleasure.

This is what experts call “conscious fear,” which is not painful but rewarding. English psychologist  Michael Belint says the  “dark side” is fun because we are responsible for attraction  and are able to manage it.

However, not all of us experience the same desire for what is forbidden because culture, the environment, and genetic factors influence what creates and modifies this desire.

The desire to be elected

When a bad boy looks at you or draws your attention,  you want to be his only one. Although only for a moment or a few hours. You want to be the one who talks to her, the one she looks at, the girl she wants…

Even though we know it’s short-lived,  we want him because he makes us feel good. For a while, we are the only ones.

The idea that we can change him

Blinded by the evil boy, in the early stages of the relationship,  we deceive ourselves into thinking we can change him. That we manage to make him a better person who admires and loves us greatly.

He’s funny, really funny

Even if we wait for his call or message for hours, even though  we know he will disappear, even though we are aware that it will not last,  we know it will be fun and it will be fun until the end, when ever the end comes.

But all of these thoughts are the result of romantic love movies. Love like this is imperfect love.

The Dark Trinity of Scientific Research

Peter Jonason, of New Mexico State University, conducted a study with 200 students in the city to  show that women prefer bad boys but marry good boys.

Jonason classified men according to three personality traits  he calls the “dark triad of psychological traits”:

Narcissism

In bad boys, narcissism is associated with short-term mating. Narcissism manifests itself in men who compete for a partner with their own gender and reject their partner after intercourse.

Psychopathy

Psychopathy often manifests as a lack of sensitivity and empathy. In short-term relationships, psychopathic tendencies may even be helpful as psychopaths have a false charm that is completely superficial.

The exploitative and manipulative nature of Machiavelli

Machiavellianism is closely related to pretense, hypocrisy, and manipulation.

Jonason’s research showed that men with more of these “dark” traits tended to acquire more partners and short-term relationships.

Hope for good guys

In the long run, women’s choices have changed.

Dr. Gayle Brewer, Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology from the University of Central Lancashire, argues that women choose bad boys for short relationships but for  long-term relationships women want good and loving men  who care about security, empathy and partnership.

Walter Riso, an Argentine psychologist, says in his book The Handbook for Avoiding Death in Love  :

“You have been taught that hope should be the last thing you lose, and this may be true in some circumstances. But in an impossible love or heartache that has been proclaimed and demonstrated, hopelessness is a cure. If you don’t love, don’t expect to get anything and don’t expect anything positive: a wise pessimist is better than a misinformed optimist. ”

Therefore, when the evil boy disappears, no longer pursues us, or has simply replaced us with something else, we  must give up our vain hope as soon as possible and regain our self-esteem. But how?

Riso suggests several  techniques that improve our self-esteem after a  separation or a dysfunctional relationship. These techniques are as follows:

• Remove the following phrases from your vocabulary: “I can’t” and “I can’t”.
• Don’t be pessimistic. If you have too many negative thoughts about the future, take overtime and see if they are realistic.
• Don’t be fatalistic. You create your own destiny.
• Don’t just remember bad things. For a few moments each day, activate your positive memory.  Think about the positive things you have done in your life.
• Look at your goals  and find out if you can go further using your strengths.
• Challenge yourself and take the risk. Define a realistic goal and give back.