Without You I Don’t Exist

When someone else is everything to you and you can’t imagine your life without that person, it feels like you need that person to be perfect. Without that person you are nothing… or at least you think so. Your constant thought is, “without you I will not exist.” Maybe you’ve felt this way before, or maybe you’re going through this feeling right now.

When your whole world turns towards the person you love,  and then that person rejects you, your world shatters. Suddenly all things start to lose their meaning. You feel abandoned, vulnerable and alone. You don’t know what to do and how to act. That person was all of you… and now you feel like you have nothing.

It is normal to feel that way. If you have shared your whole life with that person, you will feel his absence for a while. But does your life and existence depend on that person? What exactly is this idea of ​​“without you, I don’t exist”? At this point, we should consider the concept of mental dependence.

My happiness depended on you

That emptiness we’re talking about can step into your life when your loved one dies or else just leaves your life. It can be your mother, father, brother, spouse, or close friend. It’s something that’s a part of this life, and we can’t avoid it. The circumstances of life, for one reason or another, have taken that person who was everything to you in everything away from you. Once this has happened, it will take some time before you are able to return to your normal life and accept your emptiness.

But what happens when a person who is a big part of your life leaves? What happens when your spouse is suddenly away? In this case,  if everything around you collapses and you can’t move on in your life, you may be stuck in that person more than you should be.

It is impossible to keep someone on our side forever, just as we cannot pretend that all relationships are perfect. Nor can we stop being there, we can’t stop taking care of ourselves, and we can’t stop thinking about ourselves after that important person has left our lives. Even if you are with another person,  never let your life, happiness, and well-being depend entirely on him or her. 

If you believe that is what true happiness means, you are sadly wrong. You should be free. Be happy with yourself and who you are. When this happens,  you can share your life with another person, but you should never give them the power to control it. Why would you suddenly let a loved one steal your steering wheel and sit in the driver’s seat of your life?

Maybe you’re poding low self-esteem, or maybe you’re giving everything you have. Maybe you podet the fear of rejection, and you need to anchor yourself as much as possible in your lack of search for security and protection.

Even though you’re not here anymore, I’m not going to give up

To free yourself from that emotional dependence, you should keep in mind certain attitudes that prevent you from developing. The first thing you need to do is take care of your self-esteem. Love and value yourself. You deserve it. Don’t put your life in anyone else’s hands. Only you have the power to decide the direction of your life. What else should we keep in mind?

• Don’t let your happiness focus around just one person.
• Never put the desires of others before your own.
• If you only feel good when you feel loved by someone, give yourself time for self-examination, and try to look into it if you could even change this.
• Don’t allow yourself to be with someone who won’t make you happy, even if you know you’re going to suffer without them.
• Never allow that person to take control of your life.

Many things can contribute to your happiness depending on yourself, not remembering, just as it should be. It’s easy to confuse love with need. This confusion usually brings nothing positive, and your relationship turns into something that may not be so healthy. You should be able to be at peace with yourself without needing anyone else. Learn how to be alone. And this in turn teaches you to be independent of anyone else.

It’s possible that you’re afraid to be alone, but does it help at all that you’re with someone when you’re afraid to walk alone? Maybe that person will give you confidence and security, but that relationship will be built on an unhealthy and destructive foundation.

Don’t allow yourself to be unhappy in life  as it is entirely up to you whether you are happy with yourself or not. Free yourself from everything that shackles you to the ground, rediscover yourself, the person you really are. You are the only one who will never forsake you, and only you are for yourself every single day. One day you will be able to say, “without you… I exist… without you… I am still me.”

Photos by Mijail Khonch, Claudia Tremblay, Art Sphericil